Once upon a time, there was a tribe of superior people called the Greatest Generation. They kept themselves busy surviving the Great Depression and winning World War II.
When they weren’t otherwise engaged, they also generated Baby Boomers. The Greatest Generation has mostly gone to the Other Side. In their wake, they left a large cohort of aging Baby Boomers. Boomers began in 1946 right after World War II ended. The guys came home from the War and got busy with the gals. They created Boomers until 1964 when production ceased
Baby Boomers are easily identified as most are now free-range retirees. They appear in coffee shops resolving world issues and arguing over why NIL money and the Transfer Portal are spoiling college sports. Their hearing is impaired through long-term exposure to the calendar, loud rock music, and the Viet Nam war. They frequently receive funds from an obsolete concept known as a pension.
Male Boomers can be identified by the large trucks they drive, short pants with their belts up under their armpits, and memories of Grace Slick as a major babe. Female Boomers can be distinguished by annual shrinking in height, shopping at Outlet Malls, and enormous collections of shoes that procreate in their closets.
I am allowed to make fun of Baby Boomers because I am one. Being a retired Boomer is like the childhood period before school age.
It took me about 15 seconds to get used to it. You get to take naps. Play with your friends. Argue over which baseball team is best. Have ice cream when you want it. Retirement can create a sense of freedom like what the 43 escaped monkeys must be feeling who escaped the research facility in South Carolina.
Freed Rhesus monkeys got nothing on retired Boomers. Run Rhesus Run!
A recent fact-finding trip to Washington DC with another Boomer couple provided museums, sights seen, and dazzling costs of everything in the big city.
The National Zoo allowed us to almost see the new Pandas Bao LI and Qing Bao. Unfortunately, they are currently in quarantine. The National Zoo is free. However, it costs $30 to park your car.
The National Museum of American History has an exhibit called Entertainment Nation which produced an unsettling realization.
Boomers are now officially ancient history like the Aztecs. There is a display of toys Boomers played with in the 1950s. The objects are labeled like Medieval artifacts. Our toys are treated as relics from a distant forgotten past.
Like a 1950s Rosetta Stone, the curators try to understand how the childhood of Boomers led to America today. As Rod Stewart sang while gyrating in tight spandex pants: “Every picture tells a story/ Don’t it?” The picture which appears with this column makes one major point- Baby Boomers are an endangered species who are on their way out the door.
Kindly marvel at things that amused us mid-20th century before going back to Doom Scrolling on your Smart Phone.
In the display case, we see Howdy Doody suspended above the Howdy Doody TV Game box which shows Howdy, Clarabell the Clown, and a curious creature called Flub-A-Dub.
Mr. Dub deserves a thorough examination. He was a biological freak made up of 1950s genetic engineering gone horribly wrong, but in a cute way that appealed to kids.
Mix DNA from a duck-billed platypus, a giraffe’s neck, and a dachshund’s body, you get Mr. Dub whose favorite food was spaghetti. Next are the actual hat and coat of Captain Kangaroo, the Lord Mayor of the TV Treasure House.
He held court with Mr. Green Jeans, Mr. Moose master dumper of ping pong balls, Bunny Rabbit who tricked his way into carrots, and Grandfather Clock who kept falling asleep. The Captain’s best character was the startlingly weird Banana Man.
The Banana Man dressed like a hobo (Note: Back then they were called Hobos, prior to becoming called Homeless). The Banana Man wore a giant coat with enormous pockets from which he would pull huge bunches of bananas. When he pulled out the bananas he would intone in a very high voice: “OOOOH, BANANAS.” He was always surprised by the bananas. This was the height of humor for mid-century 6-year-olds. It remains pretty funny today.
The freak show that was the Boomers’ childhoods is completed with the mandatory set of Mickey Mouse ears and lunch box. Cookie Monster and his cookie appear. Mary Poppin’s headless dress rises over a framed picture of Bugs Bunny.
Who were the Baby Boomers? No one knows. They had goofy toys. Soon they will be dust in the wind. Their toys will remain as objects of curiosity from a bygone time.

(Photo: The National Museum of American History has an exhibit called Entertainment Nation, which holds artifacts from Baby Boomers' childhoods. Photo by Pitt Dickey)