Today we dive back into the land of Fairy Tales. You might ask why bother? Wouldn’t it be better to blather about politics? Consider a quote from our pal C.S. Lewis. Mr. Lewis said: “Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”
Einstein said: “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” If you argue with Lewis and Einstein, stop reading this column immediately. Go gamble your kid’s college fund on Fan Duel in the NCAA tournament. I will allow a minute for the room to clear. Now, both remaining readers can ponder the cheery story of Godfather Death.
Once upon a time a poor man had 12 children. His wife gave birth to a 13th child freaking the dude out. Panicked, he ran into the road to ask the first person who came by to be the Godfather to his latest son. The first person who came by was actually God. He agreed to be the Godfather.
The man refused saying: “You give to the rich who don’t need it, and let the poor starve.” The next man who came down the road was dressed in fancy clothing sparkling with jewelry. He agreed to be the Godfather saying: “I’ll give him all the riches of the world and make sure he has a good time too.” The man asked him who he was. Turned out he was the Devil. The man rejected the Devil because he was a deceiver and led people into sin.
The next person was an old man tottering on wobbly legs. The old man said that he was Death and made everyone equal. The poor man said: “You take away the poor and the rich. You shall be my son’s Godfather.”
When his son grew up, Godfather Death took him into the forest to show him a magic herb. Death told him that he would make him a famous physician. Death said when the doctor came to a patient’s room to look where Death was standing. If Death was by the patient’s head, give him the herb so the patient would live. If Death was by the patient’s foot, the patient would die. If the doctor disobeyed and gave Death’s claimed patient the herb, bad things would happen.
The doctor became famous for healing patients or knowing the patient would die. He became very rich and a pretty good scratch golfer with a condo at Augusta. One day the King became very ill. The doctor saw Death standing at the King’s foot meaning he would die.
Despite this, the doctor gave him the herb and the King lived. Death was angry at the doctor for ignoring his rule. But he forgave him because he was his godson, warning him this was the last time. The King’s beautiful daughter soon became sick. When the doctor entered her room, he fell in love with her immediately. Unfortunately, Death was standing by her foot. But being smitten, the doctor gave her the herb and she recovered quickly. The doctor’s disobedience sorely vexed Death.
Death grabbed the doctor’s arm and dragged him into a huge cavern filled with candles. Death explained everyone on Earth had a burning candle which once it burned out the person would die. Any resemblance to torches on Survivor is coincidental.
Tall candles were for children. Middle sized were for married people in prime of life. Short candles were for old people. Death showed the doctor that his candle was about to go out. The doctor pleaded to light another candle for him because he loved the Princess and wanted to marry her. Death said he couldn’t light another candle without letting first one go out.
The doctor picked up a long unlit candle and begged Death to use the flame of the short candle to light the long candle before it went out. Death pretended to hold the long candle over the stumpy candle to light it. Then Death intentionally knocked over the short candle causing it to go out. The doctor fell dead, equal to everyone else who had fallen into the hands of Death.
What have we learned today? Not much, really. You can’t cheat death or Fan Duel. Frank Sinatra once sang: “Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you.”
The old folk song went: “If religion were a thing that money could buy/ The rich would live and the poor would die.”
Pro tip: Strive to live long enough to start reading fairy tales again.

(Illustration by Pitt Dickey)