Once upon a time, 57 years ago, there was a year called 1968. It was a rowdy year filled with more stuff than you can shake a stick at. The weekly Life magazine chronicled said events. As Petula would say: “It was a sign o’ the times.”
My Life special 1968 Year in Review edition summarized the good, bad, and the ugly happenings, which I will share with both my readers today.
The most interesting things were the ads, which clearly were written by Don Draper.
We shall get to the ads shortly, but first, the mandatory and mercifully brief chronological recitation of 1968’s world events. The year began with North Koreans capturing the USS Pueblo. Vietnam was in full bore with the iconic photo of the Saigon police chief executing a Viet Cong.
LBJ announced he would not run for re-election. Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis. Robert F. Kennedy was assassinated in Los Angeles. Famine came to Biafra. Nixon and Humphrey were nominated for President. (Trigger warning: Nixon won.)
Jackie Kennedy married the Billionaire Shipping Magnate and Human Toad Hybrid Aristotle Onassis. The Apollo astronauts circled the moon on Christmas Eve. The Pueblo hostages were released. That is all.
On to the good stuff: the ads. Anacin invented the cure for the “Housewife Headache,” which was brought on “when Boredom and Emotional Fatigue” hits the little lady. It was caused by “making beds, getting meals, acting as the family chauffeur- having to do the same dull, tiresome work day after day is a mild form of torture.”
Take 2 Anacin tablets and “feel better all over with a brighter outlook.” Or have 4 glasses of wine with lunch.
Cigarette ads were fun. Lark cigarettes invented the “Gas Trap Filter,” which you were directed to tell someone you like about the filter. The Marlboro Man was out west doing cowboy things on Broke Back Mountain, where you could come to where the flavor is.
Pall Mall invited you to come to “the cool part of the forest where a lady wearing a green bikini was waiting with a pack of Menthol filter 100s, which were extra long at both ends.” Tareyton smokers would rather fight than switch, wearing a black eye to prove it.
The power companies were pushing Gold Medallion Homes, “where everything is electric, including the heat.” In addition to a larger electric bill, you got a Gold Medallion plaque to nail to your house to prove you were susceptible to advertising.
Personal hygiene was a primary concern to humans and fish. Ol’ Skipper Fish Attractor balm announced: “Fish think you stink.” Using Ol’ Skipper would “counteract human and tackle box odors and would stimulate and excite fish to feed.”
Sounds like fish Viagra. Not sure I would want to be around an excited, stimulated fish, but that is a personal choice. Mitchum’s Anti-Perspirant helped a sweaty lady who had “despaired of effective help” for her drippy underarms. For only $3, you could get a 90-day supply guaranteeing dryness. DERMA-SOFT home medication had a personal testimonial from a happy customer who had been “tortured 9 years by two corns and a wart, but now they are gone.”
Two Corns and a Wart sounds like a Heavy Metal band. It remains unclear if DERMA-SOFT could handle 3 corns and 2 warts.
Have a cold? Contac not only had 600 tiny time pills in each capsule but came with a poem from a winsome lady person who said: “Button up your overcoat/ When the wind is free/ Take Contac for your cold/ You belong to me/ Roger.”
Roger better do as he is told. The lady person appeared to brook no rebellion.
The new Toyota Corona came with nylon carpeting, vinyl upholstery, fully reclining bucket seats, synchromesh transmission, backup lights, and a cigarette lighter!!! Who could ask for anything more?
The issue closed out with 1968’s winners and losers. Denny McLain of the Detroit Tigers won over 30 games. Andy Warhol “lives after a kooky feminist tried to zap him with her .32.”
Tiny Tim was America’s leading male vocalist. Janice Joplin was chosen as the year’s female vocalist for “her raspy songs she belted, then belted bourbon by the bottle.” OJ Simpson “may be the best college running back ever. His name will come up first in the pro draft where it will be drawn by the last place team. Look for OJ Simpson when you go to Buffalo.”
OJ went on to be known for other things.
Have we learned anything today? Not much, other than 1968 was 57 years ago.

(Illustration by Pitt Dickey)