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The peak of the marrying season is upon us.
So far, the Dicksons have six weddings of dear cousins and wonderful friends on our social calendar between now and August, including two on the same spring day. {mosimage}
Five are of young couples marrying for the first time. Each has sent out a “save-the-date” mailing; two of which are refrigerator magnets with color photographs of the good-looking prospective brides and grooms. The other three are handsome cards with the names of the happy couples, their special dates and listings of hotels where one might stay if attending their weddings from out of town.
I am so relieved that no one seems to be referring to save-the-date notices by initials.
The sixth couple is baby boomers with grown children; marrying for the second time with no save-the-date announcement. Theirs will be a family wedding, followed by a larger celebration at the home of a close friend.
Three of the 20-somethings are having large church weddings, followed by wingding receptions with music, dancing and plenty of food and drink. The other couples have planned festivities at two of North Carolina’s loveliest beaches, both with amenities.
A tremendous amount of thought, planning, energy, not to mention money, is going into the five younger generation weddings. I am blessed to count the brides’ mothers among my friends. Each can converse quite knowledgeably about caterers, wedding gowns and bridesmaid’s dresses — long or street length; strapless or with sleeves; up-dos or down-dos; and which churches require what in the way of pre-marital counseling. Houses are being painted and yards re-landscaped. New furniture is on order.
Their daughters — the brides — have just as much infor mation about all things wedding and even more opinions.
The last time I inquired, my friend, the “mature” bride, was not quite sure what she was wearing on her big day, but she knows she will find something. Nor was she confident about the time of the wedding ceremony or who was to be where when.
She and her intended just know they are showing up at the appointed time and place and that they will be married. They are both radiant. The rest is gravy.
Getting married can be among the most exciting times in one’s life. The brides and grooms become stars in their own nuptial dramas, with family and friends acting as the supporting cast. Their every wish is considered, and many of them are granted. Their photographs are taken, new clothes are purchased and activities are planned with them always at the center of the wedding universe.
For most of us, the spotlight will never be so bright and focused again.
My mature bride and groom know, though, as do many of us who have been married since before these young couples were even born, that getting married is the fun part.
Being married is something else.
It is an evolving challenge that ebbs and flows throughout the stages of marriage; newlywed-dom; parenting; juggling family and work; inevitable ageing and all the unimagined joys and crises along the way that make all human life both an awesome wonder and the deepest of mysteries.
None of the young couples has asked my advice on marriage. But if they do, I will tell them several things. I hope they always love each other, recognizing the intense emotions they feel now that often shut out everyone else will, over time, expand to welcome others into their circle; and those relationships with family and friends will enrich their marriage. It is true that you do not marry just one person. You marry everyone that person knows and loves.
I will tell them to find and enjoy mutual interests and activities, but to reserve something special just for themselves. She does not have to go to every game with him, nor does he have to go on every shopping jaunt with her. No one human being is ever going to have exactly the same interests and inclinations as another.
Try to know and enjoy each other’s family and friends, but if one or two just are not your cup of tea, be pleasant and polite and keep going. You do not have to love them just because your spouse does.
Both of you are going to succeed some of the time and fail some of the time, as all of us do. Rejoice with and support each other as need be.
As with all aspects of life, honesty is always the best policy. Yes, it can be painful, but if you are in a marriage for the long haul, dishonesty and deceit are like acid. They will corrode, even explode, a relationship more thoroughly than anything else.
My mature couple will never ask me for any advice. They know where they are heading and are going there lovingly and with eyes wide open.
I wish all my upcoming brides and grooms, young and mature, long and happy years together.
Here Come the Brides — All Of Them
- Details