Let us go then, you and I, where famous quotes are misinterpreted and spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon
a table.
Apologies to T. S. Eliot for grinding the opening lines of his epic poem, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” into this affront on English literature. You can decide whether to read it or use it to wrap fish.

Today we shall examine the event horizon of collected quotes to see what harm we can do to their meaning. One would hardly think someone named J. Alfred Prufrock would have a love life. However, Prufrock children are proof that Mr. Prufrock looked good to Mrs. Prufrock.

There are many profound quotations just waiting to be ingested into wisdom. This column will ignore all of those to focus on the frivolous instead. If you are expecting anything other than my usual drivel, please stop reading and turn to the crossword puzzle. This is just more of the same random typing. Today’s quotations deal with lots of things: Pessimism, the human condition, inspiration and robots.

Let’s look at pessimism first. One of my personal favorites is “It’s always darkest before the storm.” Who can forget the scene in “Apocalypse Now” when the Cajun soldier gets out of the boat and is nearly eaten by a tiger? In fear he yells: “I didn’t get out of 8th grade for this!” Classic.

“The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward chaos.” That is the yin to the yang of Reverend Martin Luther King’s famous quote.

“The beatings will continue until morale improves.” Sounds like a plan.

“The ax forgets. The tree remembers.” Precious memories, how they linger.

Aristotle said: “Envy is the pain caused by the good fortune of others.” A couple of thousand years later, Gore Vidal echoing that cheerful thought said: “Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.”

Speaking of death: “After you are dead, how would you like to be remembered? Answer: Occasionally.”

Emily Dickinson reminds us: “Because I could not stop for Death/ He kindly stopped for me/.”

Don Marquis, creator of Archie and Mehitabel, foreseeing TV Preachers, explained: “A Pharisee is someone who prays publicly and preys privately.” Religiosity at its finest.

Next up, the human condition: An Arab proverb says: “It is good to know the truth and speak it, but it is better to know the truth and speak of palm trees.”

A Chinese proverb intones: “When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger.”

Dorothy Parker’s back handed compliment: “This wasn’t just plain terrible. This was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.”

Rod Stewart on humility: “Think of me and try not to laugh.”

Cheery Russian proverb: “If you wake up and you’re not in pain, you know you are dead.”

Motto on a T-shirt in Asheville: “I do not intend to tiptoe through life only to arrive safely at death.”

Mark Twain on the afterlife: “Go to Heaven for the climate. Go to Hell for the company.”

Huck Finn on deciding to help Jim escape slavery: “All right, then, I’ll go to Hell.”

John Prine marveled at another man’s potential saying: “He’s got muscles in his head that ain’t never been used.”

Inspiration: Jack London summed it up saying: “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”

George Will on aging: “One of the consolations of old age is the knowledge that one isn’t going to die young.”

Tennessee Williams on creativity: “What is talent but the ability to get away with something.”

Andy Warhol echoed this saying: “Art is what I can get away with.”

Our old buddy Voltaire getting three sheets of music to the wind, reminds us: “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the life boats.”
Undoubtably, the greatest philosopher of all time is Ernest T. Bass of Mayberry, USA. The importance of being Ernest cannot be overemphasized. Ernest unselfishly shared his wisdom. Ponder Ernest’s quotes to guide your life accordingly.

Mr. Bass on love: “I’m a little mean, but I make up for it by being real healthy. Say you’ll be mine. Say you’ll be my Beloved.” On courtship of Charlene Darling: “First I wrote her a love note asking her to go on out with me. And then I tied it on the prettiest rock you ever did see. And then I give it the prettiest toss ya ever did see right through the front window.”

“And if you wonder who I be, It’s me, It’s me. It’s Ernest T.- Whoo hoo!” If we were all more like Ernest T. Bass, the world would be a better place.
In conclusion, let us never forget the famous words said to Gort the Robot in “The Day the Earth Stood Still” — “Klaatu, Barada, Nikto.”