Hey kids, your first shot of heroin is free. Those were the good old days. You had to go to some grimy dangerous corner to get your heroin.
The rough beast of Sports gambling after slouching towards the NC General Assembly has been legally born.
Just in time for March Madness basketball, you can now bet on sports events from the comfort of your easy chair. Want to double or deplete your kid’s college fund? Bet on whether the guy on the foul line will hit both ends of the one-and-one.
Unless you have been living under a rock, you can’t have missed the constant ads from Draft Kings, Caesar’s Sports Book, ESPN Bet, FanDuel, and multiple other gambling platforms who promise to transfer your money to a faraway casino.
We just enjoyed the Ides of March. Remember when our old buddy Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River? He had his army outside of Rome where legally it was supposed to remain.
He changed the rules and marched into Rome replacing the Republic with the Empire. The General Assembly changed the rules so the nose of the camel of sports gambling is inside NC’s tent.
Can NC Education Casinos be far behind? Any bad habit the General Assembly wants to justify for more tax revenue and personal political contributions can be rationalized by saying “It’s for the children.”
Consider the cleverly named NC Education Lottery for instance. Who is against education?
More state-sanctioned gambling for everyone.
Proponents pushed the bill by saying, “Other states are doing it, why shouldn’t we?”
Remember when Mom said, “If all the other kids were jumping off the roof, would you jump too?” The last one into the betting pool is a rotten egg.
Some of the gambling money is supposed to go to state and local athletic programs. Seems a worthy cause. Don’t the ends always justify the means? Portable ethics are useful when it comes to money for politicians. Ethically sourced free-range gambling has hatched in NC.
“How shall the Sports Books entice people into their parlor?” said the Spider to the Fly.
Like a drug pusher to a new addict, give them the first shot free. Sports Books have come up with a groovy variation of the first shot is free for gambling for potential newbie gambling addicts.
Ponder the Get Rich Quick scheme of “bonus bets.” Instead of opening a vein to inject heroin, the newbie opens an account with the Sports Book funded by any number of fun and exciting methods such as direct deposit of cash from your bank account, credit card, debit card, or just sending money to your Sports Betting account.
Borrow money from your 401K to send to the Sports Book. Bad idea. You will pay taxes and penalties, but if you hit it big you will be on easy street. What could go wrong?
Want free money? Open a betting account, then bet a measly $5 to get $150 in bonus bets. Yowza! Sounds great.
Even if you lose your $5 bet you still get the $150 in bonus bets. It’s like you won $150 from those dummies at the Sports Book. Another casino offers you a 20% bonus bet match if you deposit $1600 in your betting account. That’s $320 of bonus bets.
Now you have almost $2000 in your account to bet. What a great return on your investment.
How can the casinos do this? It’s because they can do math. If you keep betting, ultimately you will lose, and they will win.
Like everything that sounds too good to be true, there is a catch. You can’t withdraw any of your gifted bonus bets in cash.
It’s limited money, you can’t spend it on food or shelter. You can only spend it at the Sports Book company store by betting within 7 days or it vanishes.
Bet Now!
Maybe you will win lots more. Wouldn’t that be exciting? But maybe you won’t. You may win a gambling habit you can’t break.
Send your money to Vlad the 401K Impaler in Las Vegas.
If he does his job, he will keep you betting until you are up to your ears in debt. He will whisper sweet nothings and drip bonus bets into your account. Let the Casino Vampires suck your finances dry. If you can’t go to the casinos, the casinos will come to your smartphone. Count Dracula of Sports Booksylvania loves fresh blood.
Some people, once they use heroin, keep using it despite the grief it causes.
Likewise, some people, once they start phone betting on sports, keep betting despite the grief it causes.
The kids’ college fund gone? Bank accounts emptied? Credit cards maxed out? Cash advances cashed out? Depressed? Anxious? Can’t sleep?
Here is a way to get it back. Double down on your bets. Chase your losses.
Borrow money from friends and relatives. The Sports Book may give you more bonus bets to keep you betting.
They will love you long time until you are broke. Then they send the collection agencies after you.